MY FRIENDS SAY I AIN'T RIGHT

[dacflyer]

well i have done it again...no one seems amused at my electronic humor...<p>dig this "one fine slow day at the shop brainstorming isn't this a brillant thought ot theory...i even went as far to prove it to my coworkers (ran a vcr tape backwards :p )<p>co-workers....they are sooo gullable :p

[myp71]

Ah, at least there is someone here that is more crazy than I am now all of my stupid ideas don't look so bad now like the shopping cart wheel lockup so it before it hits my truck Huh?<p>Thanks for the laugh<p>[ February 03, 2004: Message edited by: my p71 ]</p>

[Mike]

did you see the latest edition of N&V on the tech forum? there is a person asking for electronics jokes. I'd say submit it and if they post it you get $25. Maybe he'd be able to trick his class too.<p>-Mike

[keymaker]

I love it

[Bob Scott]

Now you know why I know that ex-Digital executives (that are really aliens from another dimension) are taking over the tech industry from the inside because they gave away alien technology and then sued Intel for using it (obviously a smoke screen) then allowed their corporation to be gobbled up by Compaq and HP who provided Intel with even more of their alien technology and now they have the Terminator as Governor to help them develop phase change chips that will blast humans into the other dimension where they will be used as ####3 site sex slaves so it's clear their goal is complete infiltration and it's a no brainer that Bill Gates is one of them because he can't even talk to humans without using MS speech recognition and the fact that no speech recognition software will work for Jean Cretien proves he's an alien from another universe but he's an ally because he talks out of the side of his head so he doesn't kill humans with his lazer halitosis but his mission is complete and Paul Martian is taking over and told Bush if he doesn't send enough radio controlled cars to Mars for everyone to play with he should go back to the Moon before the Chinese get there and set-up a breeding colony and make it into another red planet that is bigger than Mars and the Martians will never get enough toys to play with so now that you know I might as well tell you now that I'm an alien (from this dimentia, not that other one) sent here to help you puny humans cool your inferior ICs so you don't get taken over by another dimension and you won't have to perform lewd acts on streaming media for bizzarre tentacled creatures oozing all over their holographic monitors with the spooge freezing solid on their heat sucking alien computers.

I have to go now because another pot of coffee is ready and I need to take my qualludes and report to the Commander of the Universe before I reach full power.

Balthazar,
Emperor of the Milky Way and master of all I observe with my electron telescope eyes.

[Bernius1]

Bob, I ran that perfect (?) sentence through my alien syntax-decrypter, and the "carnivore-eschelon" password worked, but is the invasion date on April 1, 2004 or actually on *JD#*@)#EI@!!, 3016 ????

[MrAl]

Hello to everyone out there in electronic comedy land <p>Another well known theory is that the sun is actually run by an alien
who sits back at the center in his reclining chair all day long reading
his translations of back issues of "Nuts and Volts" magazine
(much like the Maytag repair man) while he keeps his giant solar panel
plugged into his ac wall socket (with bridge rectifier) which of course
generates all the sunlight we receive here on earth.<p>Lucky for us ALL processes are completely and perfectly reversible.<p>Take care,
Al

[haklesup]

Sounds like your a couple months early for an April Fools joke. I always enjoyed that article in the now defunct Radio Electronics in the April edition (for a few years anyway). My favorite was the Macrowave oven which purported to make food colder by emitting longer microwaves. Apparently some readers tried to build it.

[myp71]

Hey I got it lets try running our cars & trucks in reverse Not only would we take our mileage off it will help our planet also, two for one deal let me know how long it takes you to fill up your 20-40 gallon gas tank with gas that has already been burned

[jollyrgr]

I've got a couple. The first one is one I love to pull on unsuspecting vendors and the gullible. Yes, I really do this trick. And yes, my boss is fully aware of my actions and laughs right along with me.<p>I work in Information Technology. One of my favorite programs is "The Blue Screen Of Death" (BSOD) screen saver for NT (2K, and XP). For those not familiar with the NT family of OS, the BSOD is a "fatal" error. Multiple times I have used this screen saver to fool people. Very seldom to I reveal the secret unless they call me on it. What I do is rig my computer to have this screen saver then get some sort of excuse to get the MARK to use my computer or at least be there when the screen saver activates. <p>In one instance I had rigged my computer and the vendor and I were several work stations away while I was setting up a station for him to use. He asked if it was all right for him to use my computer (the screen was not visible where we were at) to check his e-mail. I knew the screen saver was active and said "Go ahead". <p>He walks over and gets this look of shock on his face. He puts his hands up and starts saying "I never touched it! I swear I never touched it!"<p>I asked him what he was talking about. All he could do was point at the screen and say he never touched it. I calmly walk over and say, "Oh that. Yes, I've got to figure out what causes that sometime. You know how to recover from this, don't you?" He answered correctly "Power cycle the computer." I say, "No there is a much easier way, the five finger salute." He looks at me with a puzzled and I reply "GATES". At this point I hit the G A T E and S keys all at once. Hitting any of the keys, of course, resets the screen saver and my computer is back at the desktop. He checked his e-mail and I quickly changed the screen saver to something simple. He thought it was "neat" that Microsoft would program such a recovery into NT.<p>In another instance I had my desk in a storage room with boxes of computers and monitors. I shared it with another co-worker. Some outsourcing company gave us for three months a "FREE" network admin. This was a company from India. The tech was always bragging about how skilled the workers were in India and in his company in particular. It was his last week and I saw him walk by my office. I booby trapped my computer and let it lie in wait. When he came by again he stopped in and sat down to talk. I turned my back to my computer ignoring it. After a couple minutes the BSOD screen saver kicked in. (I heard the relay click in my monitor as it changed resolution and knew the trap was set.) Instead of the expected "uh oh" he started pointing and laughing. This was to cost him. Looked at my screen shrugged my shoulders and ignored the screen. This puzzled him deeply and he became concerned that I was not concerned with the crash. I then told him that the problem had been happening all week and I just kept recoving. He asked me about any open files I lost and I told him I didn't lose any files, I would RECOVER from the crash. This made him even more puzzled. So I asked him if he knew how to recover from a BSOD. Of course he says power cycle the computer. So I do the entire GATES thing and he is astonished. He thought it was the greatest thing he'd ever seen. It gets better. The next week his American bosses (actually the sales guys) were in to meet with my boss. There intention was to have us outsource him to work with us on a long term basis. I was in on the meeting as I had worked with the mark, er Network Admin. His boss was going on about the skill level of all of their employees. But he goes on to complement us on how his employee learned a lot from us as well; like how to recover from a NT crash. It was all my boss (I told him what I had done) and I could to not to laugh and even continue to have a conversation with a straight face. We did not hire the guy and he returned home. But I know somewhere in India there is this Network Admin hitting GATES on every computer with a BSOD wondering why he can't get the computer to recover like I did.<p>
This next one is not mine but is funny as hell. Sorry if it is a repost of something you have seen already.<p>
Last week while travelling I stopped at a Zany Brainy store and saw that they had a blimp for sale. It's called Airship Earth, and it's a great big balloon with a map of the Earth on it, and two propellors hanging from the bottom. You blow up the balloon with helium put batteries in it, and you have a radio controll indoor blimp. <p>I'd seen these things for sale in Sharper Image catalogs for $60-$75. At Zany Brainy it was on clearance for $15. What a deal! <p>Last night my wife was playing tennis and it was just my daughter and I at home. I bought a small helium tank from a party store, and last night we put the blimp together. <p>Let me tell you, it's quite a blimp. It's huge. The balloon has like a 3 ft diameter. <p>We blew it up with the tank attacched the gondola with the propellors, and put in batteries. <p>Then we balanced the blimp for neutral bouyancy with this putty that came with it, so it hangs in the air by itself neither rising nor falling. <p>It was easy and fun, and then I blew up another balloon and made Mickey Mouse helium voices for my daughter. <p>My three year old girl loved it. We flew the blimp all over the house, terrorized the dog, attacked the fish tank, and the controls were so easy my daughter could fly. <p>Let's face it, blimps are fun. <p>Alas, the fun had to end and my daughter had to go to sleep. I left the blimp floating in my office downstairs, my wife came home, and we went to bed, and slept the sleep of the righteous. <p>At this point it is important to know that my house has central heating. I have it configured to blow hot air out on the ground floor and take it in at the second floor to take advantage of the fact that heat rises. <p>The blimp which was up until this moment a fun toy here embarked on a career of evil. Using the artificial convection of my central heating, the blimp stealthily departed my office. It moved silently through the living and drifted to the staircase. Gliding wraithlike over the staircase it then entered the bedroom where my wife and I lay sleeping peacefully. <p>Running silently, and gliding six feet or so above the ground on invisible and tiny air currects it approached the bed. <p>In spite of it's noiseless passage, or perhaps because of it, I awoke. That doesn't really say it properly. Let me try again. <p>I awoke, the way you awake at 2:00 AM when your sleeping senses suddenly tell you without reason that the forces of evil on converging on you. <p>That still doesn't do it. Let me try one more time. <p>I awoke the way you awake when you suddenly know that there is a large levitating sinister presence hovering towards you with menacing intent through the maligant darkness. <p>Now sometimes I do wake up in the middle of the night thinking that there are large sinister and menacing things floating out of the darkness to do me and mine evil. Usually I open my eyes, look and listen carefully, decide it was a false alarm, and go back to sleep. <p>So, the fact that I awoke in such a manner was not all that unusual. <p>On this occasion I awoke to the sense that there was a large menacing presence approaching me silently out of the gloom, so I opened my eyes, and there it was! A LARGE SILENT MENACING PRESENCE WAS APPROACHING ME OUT OF THE GLOOM, AND IT COULD FLY!!! <p>Somewhere in the control room of my mind a fat little dwarf in a security outfit was paging through a Penthouse while smoking a cigar with his feet up on the table, watching the security monitors of my brain with his peripheral vision. Suddenly he saw the LARGE SILENT SINSITER MENACING FLOATING PRESENCE coming at me, and he pulled every panic switch and hit every alarm that my body has. A full decade's allotment of adrenaline was dumped into my bloodstream all at once. My metabolism went from "restful sleep mode" to HOLY SHIT! FIGHT FOR YOUR LIFE OR DIE!!!! mode" in a nanosecond. My heart went from twenty something beats per minute to about 240 even faster. <p>I always knew this was going to happen. I always knew that skepticism and science were mere psychological decorations and vanities. Deep in our alligator brains we all know that the world is just chock full of evil and monsters and sinister forces aligned against us, and it is only a matter of time until they show up. Evolution know this, too. It knows what to do when the silent terror comes at you from out of the dark. <p>When 50 million years worth of evolutionary survival instinct hits you all at once flat in the gut at 200 mph it is not a pleasant sensation. <p>Without volition I screamed my battle cry (which is indistinguishable to the sound a little girl makes when you drop a spider down her dress (not that I'd know what that sounds like,) and lept out of bed in my underwear. <p>I struck the approaching menace with all my strength and almost fell over at the total lack of resistance that a helium balloon offers when you punch the living shit out of it with all the stength that sudden middle of the night terror produces. <p>It's trajectory took it straight into the ceiling fan which whipped it about the room at terrifying velocity. <p>Seeking a weapon, I ripped the alarm clock out of its plug and hurled it at the now High Velocity Menacing presence (breaking the clock and putting a nice hole in the wall.) <p>Somehow at this moment I suddenly realized that I was fighting the blimp, and not a monster. It might have been funny if I didn't truly and actually feel like I was having a legitimate heart-attack. <p>On quivering legs I went to the bathroom and literally gagged into the toilet while shaking uncontrollably with the shock of the reaction I'd had. <p>Unbeleivably, both my wife and daughter had completely slept through the incident. When I decided that I wasn't having a heart attack after all I went back into the bedroom and found the blimp which had somehow survived the incident. <p>I took it to the walk in closet and released it inside where it floated around with the air currents released from the vents in there. I closed the door, this sealing it in, and went back to bed. About 500 years later I fell asleep. <p>*** <p>At about 7 am my wife awoke. She had been playing tennis and wasn't aware that we have assembled the blimp the previous evening, and that is was now floating around the the walk-in closet that she approached. <p>The dyndamic between the existing air currents of the closet and the suction caused by opening the door was just enough to give the blimp the appearance of an Evil Sinister Menace flying straight towards her. <p>This time the blimp did not survive the encounter, nor almost, did I, as I had to explain to my very angry spouse what motivated me to hide an evil lurking presence in the closet for her to find at 7 am. <p>I can order replacement balloons on the internet but I don't think I will. <p>Some blimps are better off dead.<p>[ February 04, 2004: Message edited by: Jolly Roger ]</p>

[Dean Huster]

J.R., you may have just set the record for the longest post ever on this forum!<p>Dean

[dacflyer]

BAHhhahahaha ! that blimp story is just wayyy too funny...HEEhaw haw !

[Bernius1]

JR, My Bro' is a programmer, & does the same type-o-thang , with a control panel window that says 'formatting C:...' , & a similar command in Unix. One funny thing I experienced @ work (non-electronic) ; We had packets of 1st-aid cream in the 1st-aid kit. We also had packets of Hydro-cortisone. A co-worker had hemorrhoids, and eventually used up all the cortisone, and interrupted my phone conversation to bemoan its absence. "So," says I, "Use the red packets. A cream is a cream". Except that 1st-aid cream burns soft tissue like jalapenos.
I'll never forget the image of him walking around the shop yelling "I'm on fire, I'm on fire", with his pants around his ankles. (Mind you, I meant no malice. I assumed, and wrong.) Imagine Huggy Bear (TV character) cursing a blue streak.
I guess sometimes 'I'm sorry' ain't enough.

[Calrod4156]

IN REGARDS TO THE GENERATOR RUNNING BACKWARDS
I HAD A DISCUSSION WITH ME, MYSELF, AND I,
I AM HOPING THAT I DON'T GET AN INTELLIGENT ANSWER BACK,(STILL OUT TO LUNCH)
IF I DO WE ARE ALL IN DEEP TROUBLE!!!!!!!!!!