Non Existent Items

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jollyrgr
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Non Existent Items

Post by jollyrgr »

I am trying to come up with a list of "Oxymoron" type items that do not exist. Things you "haze" the new guy/gal with. Like telling the line girl at the airport to go to the shop and get a bucket of "prop wash" to clean the dead bugs off the propeller. Or telling the intern you want him to look up the battery part number for the sound powered phones. Some of the engineers at "the big M" used to get the new techs to build data capture modules. The modules used Write Only Memory or WOMs. They even had a data sheet that showed how to write to the device but once written, the data could not be read. Are there other gems out there?
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dacflyer
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Re: Non Existent Items

Post by dacflyer »

maybe you should fill out a ID10T form 1st then go get you some muffler bearings to go with that form , and then get you some flight line to teather it so it will not get lost..
and if your interested in my generator that creates gas and fresh air , its available too.. the way it works is.. you plugg it into a 220volt outlet.. this will cause the generator to run backwards..and when it does this, the generator will suck in carbon monoxide, then decumbust it ,
despark it , decompress it and then it will put the gas back into the tank and clean air back into the atmosphere.. cool huh ?

this invention is as good as my cordless hammer :D

i also have the worlds heating and air problems solved as well..
we could keep thousands of people in work for many years as well...
what we can do is make 2 pipelines 1 going from alaska to texas.. have a duct system . one to pump cool air to the south,,and one to pump warm air to the north. each state would get 2 ducts,, one warm and one cool :D we all could have cheap reliable enviroment :D

ya ya,, call me MR. B.S. heeheee
Donald S. Lambert
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Re: Non Existent Items

Post by Donald S. Lambert »

Machine operator needed some easy way to separate thin brass washers from aluminum washers. The aluminum was a backing to be able to punch the very thin brass washers without burrs. Someone sent him to get a brass magnet.

Greybie
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Chris Smith
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Re: Non Existent Items

Post by Chris Smith »

Muffler Bearings
Honest Politicians
Win-able Wars
Military Intelligence
Foreign Policy


Unfortunately only one of these exist and it is the US's main problems.

The other three only add to the main problem which is why we cant win until we get rid of the other obvious three.

<small>[ December 22, 2005, 07:07 PM: Message edited by: Chris Smith ]</small>
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Dave Dixon
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Re: Non Existent Items

Post by Dave Dixon »

Hi all,
I had a Crescent (Yes it was the brand name) wrench that was plainly marked 6 Inch. OF course that was the length. I showed it to one of the new techs, and sent him down to get a Metric Adjustable Wrench.
Dave
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jollyrgr
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Re: Non Existent Items

Post by jollyrgr »

Dave. Next time I'm at Sears buying tools and one of high school girl workers asks if she can help I'm going to ask for a metric adjustable wrench. (A guy would probably punch me once he finds he's been had.)

Also drivers should remember to top off their headlight fluid if they are going to do winter night driving. When there was a slow driver impeading traffic I'd pull along side them and point to the back of their car. They'd pull over and get out of everyone's way checking to see what was wrong with their car. A friend told me he did the same thing only he'd roll down his window and yell to them that their Johnson Rod was dragging; they'd pull over and check.
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Dean Huster
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Re: Non Existent Items

Post by Dean Huster »

Next time I'm at Sears buying tools and one of high school girl workers asks if she can help I'm going to ask for a metric adjustable wrench. (A guy would probably punch me once he finds he's been had.)

You think you jest. The handle of my Craftsman adjustable end wrench says "12 in.". Flip it over and the other side of the handle says "300mm".

Dean
Dean Huster, Electronics Curmudgeon
Contributing Editor emeritus, "Q & A", of the former "Poptronics" magazine (formerly "Popular Electronics" and "Electronics Now" magazines).

R.I.P.
Forrest
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Re: Non Existent Items

Post by Forrest »

Hmm, it seems most of the popular items listed on HSC Electronic Supply's advertisement in Nuts and Volts never seems to be available. Case in point, I got the January issue today and saw a Sharp Color 10.4 inch LCD P/N 20784 for $14.95. I did a search on their web site - it doesn't exist. I've tried past months with similar results. Anyone else notice the same thing?
L. Daniel Rosa
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Re: Non Existent Items

Post by L. Daniel Rosa »

A coworker of mine spun a yarn about his military service. His duty at one time involved the paperwork of routine medical stuff like vaccinations. Once in a while he would tell some gullible looking soldier that he was next in line for the "square needle", which would render him impotent for six weeks and the only was around it was to request and fill out his "masturbation papers". After the third time of so the nurse was amused too.

More recent was the "Hobson cleat", which would protect industry workers from electric shock by keeping them well grounded. A serious fallacy here, but the mark believed it. So I'm told he actually dragged a piece of chain around for half the shift because his boots didn't have Hobson cleats.

How about a metric clock?
Dean Huster
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Re: Non Existent Items

Post by Dean Huster »

I have right before me Hollida's Auction Service ad for a November 5, 2005 MOVING AUCTION. In the section marked "Tools & Miscelaneous" you find listed a "4 FT. YARD STICK". Needless to say, I keep this one around for some of the courses I teach at the community college.

Hey, it's southeast Missouri. That's normal around here.

Dean
Dean Huster, Electronics Curmudgeon
Contributing Editor emeritus, "Q & A", of the former "Poptronics" magazine (formerly "Popular Electronics" and "Electronics Now" magazines).

R.I.P.
josmith
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Re: Non Existent Items

Post by josmith »

The first one I ever heard was "left handed monkey wrench". Monkey wrenches are over anyway so that one won't play.

It's getting cold in here,have to go down to the boiler and get another bucket of steam!
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